am i impossible?

is it true in the least bit that someone is impossible to love?
and if so, is that someone me?

i feel like i've been living up to the negative expectations that have been set for me. and i don't want to be the way i am, really i don't. this is me. i've been shattered and put together, then i drop myself onto the concrete and shatter into a million pieces again. and now you wonder why i'm falling apart. the truth is, there has been so many times in my life where i try to get past the pain only to walk into another heartache of sorts. and so forgive me for finding it hard to believe that i could possibly, very possibly be happy. it's just the way this life has run its course so far.

and so now, i've become this...monster, that shoves everyone away and tries to prove to them why you don't want me. because if you want me, then i get excited and realize that there's a chance that i could make it happy, and then you let me down, and then it's this vicious cycle all over again. and i'm starting to thing they're right. i want to change, i know God is faithful, but man has failed me so much...that i don't want to believe that someone could be different.

and yet here you sit, telling me that you don't care about all that junk, even seeing and understanding why these walls are built so high. what am i supposed to think? i'm having a really hard time with all of this. because i want to take down my walls. i know you're not like the others. but i also know i've thought these thoughts before, and it's only brought me more and more pain.
so perhaps i am impossible.