Thursday, August 28, 2008

i'm happy.

i'm a laughing stranger on a frowning road
freedom has never felt this...free before
for in my darkest hour i said "i'm gonna trust You,
no matter how scared i am"
and that's exactly where He wanted me all along

just to hold my hands out and tell Him
that i can't do it and i don't want to and that
He'll have to step in to set it straight.
and He did.

the truth has set me free.
i'm sure of it now.
the verdict seems so simple, and yet so profound
that i know the truth and it has made me no longer enslaved

no longer enslaved
to the fears, doubts and insecurities it brought
to the wanderings and the nightmares
to the shame and the guilt and the hiding

it's all gone now.
the truth has set me free.
praise GOD,
the Truth has set me free.

Monday, August 25, 2008

when thoughts don't seem to make sense of themselves

when my fear hits the ground running
words don't seem to be enough in this state of panic
the air is closing in around me and am i the only one that can't breathe,
or is this some kind of growing epidemic?

the path is growing wayward, i'm wearing down
nobody else can seem to figure out how i feel
all alone in this sea of despair i am, it's a hopeless kind of thought
but i can't find a soul that will just let me be real

because the truth isn't pretty this time
the truth is just ugly, its face is quite disfigured
from a tragedy none want to speak of
but i can't bury what happened, the way his hands lingered

this agony eats away at my core
insanity is the only logical explanation
so i try to close my eyes and think of something else
in hopes of ignoring my sane limitations

so You speak to me, you tell that i'm not going insane
but that this is just all part of Your good and perfect plan
and i'm not even going to pretend like that makes sense to me
for the affairs of God i cannot yet begin to understand

but it's hope in the midst of my heartache
something to ease the pain that's burning on my insides
Your love is covering a multitude of stains
and redeeming my broken heart and broken life.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

school

is everything i expected, and yet nothing i bargained for.
how i've longed to be back, and yet i seemed to forget how immersed in His word i would be.
not that it's a bad thing, it's just really really...challenging to my flesh.
it kinda wears on me, and i think that's a good sign?

but nonetheless, the workload is seemingly burying me.
i've gotta figure out some kind of system soon or i might explode!

God, You're still faithful,
and i'm glad you wired me to be made for something this great.
i love You.
don't forget that. ;)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

[sigh]

it's another one of those nights i wish i could live out again and again and again and again...

i'm falling fast and i'm falling hard. not in love necessarily, just for him. the way the corners of his mouth twitch a bit when he's focused. the way he juts out his lower lip when he's thinking on the surface, but the way his whole face kinda...pauses when he's thinking hard and thinking deep. the way his smile lights up not only his whole face, but the whole room. the way his laugh resonates deep within him and even deep within me. the way that even minutes or hours later, i can still feel his hand in mine. the way that he smells. the way that he talks out of the side of his mouth. the way that he lives his life, holy and pleasing to the One that matters.

i just had to talk about him, since i know most of the people out there probably don't care.